


Kent Parson's Roommate's Room

by audiaphilios



Series: From Tumblr With Lo-- [15]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic), Pawn Stars (TV)
Genre: Audience Participation, Gen, I Blame Tumblr, Kent Parson is a weirdo, Kent Parson/Happiness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:39:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6996133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audiaphilios/pseuds/audiaphilios
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, the story where Kent Parson befriends the Pawn Stars cast, develops a case of Mysterious Roommate, and invites you to a sleepover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [boxofpigeons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxofpigeons/gifts), [rhysiana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhysiana/gifts).



> [This can be found on tumblr, mostly, here.](http://audiaphilios.tumblr.com/tagged/kent-parson%27s-roommate%27s-room)

Kent Parson can’t sleep so he watches like 5 hours of Pawn Stars in the middle of the night. He realizes that the shop from the show is like 10 minutes from him so he winds up at the Gold and Silver Pawn Shop at 3:30 in the morning and buys, like, an antique crossbow. 

* * *

Kent Parson definitely starts hanging out with those guys on a semi-regular basis. He’ll be in the shop at least twice a month, buying something ridiculous. He ends up setting up a room in his condo for all of his finds, and spends time decorating and arranging it as though it belonged to a very strange roommate. Finally, the guys are like, “Hey, do you wanna be on the show?” And while it doesn’t show on the outside, Kent kind of has an internal star-struck squeeing meltdown. 

When he’s talking to the producer before filming, they get on the topic of cats, and from there Kent tells him about the one room in his house that Certified Goblin™ Kit Purrson is not allowed into, and that’s his “Roommate’s Room”. The producer is intrigued, and they end up spending part of the show at Kent’s condo as he walks them through the room and tells them about all of the stuff that’s in there, as well as how this fits in with The Roommate’s personality. The Pawn Stars guys recognize all of the stuff that Kent bought, but don’t say anything on camera, because they’re not sure of what direction this is taking.

At the end of filming, the producer asks, “So where is your roommate now?” And Kent just gives him a blank look while the Pawn Stars guys are losing their shit in the background.

The final edit of the show never asks or answers the question of who Kent’s roommate is. It just shows him walking through this bizarre-ass room, goblin-kitty perched on his shoulder, talking shit about this weirdo who apparently lives with him.

* * *

 #kent parson's imaginary roommate #this is also his guest room #all guests are required to write a short story about the person who 'lives' there based on what they find #he keeps all the stories in a notebook in the nightstand

* * *

Kent will literally block your exit if you do not add to the book. It gets to the point where he’ll follow you into the room and make you show him that you added to it. Which might sound terrible, but he won’t read it while you’re there, he just wants to make sure you’re contributing. And to be fair, any time he sleeps in the Roommate’s Room, he adds to the book, too.

Some nights he sleeps there just so he can add to the book.

The guest book serves many purposes. It encourages people to explore the objects that Kent has had so much fun collecting and arranging. It discourages people from staying over that don’t understand the Kent Parson Aesthetic. The friends who _do_ enjoy it get just another reason to be happy when they visit. It provides night-time reading for guests (though some of those stories are not conducive to good dreams). And it give Kent something to read on those nights when he’s home alone with Kit, so he can think about the people he loves, as well as The Roommate.

* * *

  _Choose your own adventure: Let the headcanon end here, or travel below for optional story progression._

* * *

The Roommate’s Room is, on the whole, a great thing for Kent. It allows him a focus for his occasional need to splurge, or organize, or create things– especially in the off-season, when he has more time to himself and needs help centering. Visiting the Pawn Star guys keeps him somewhat tethered to the real world outside of hockey, even if “reality TV” is a misnomer. So it’s all going well, until the summer after the Aces win their third Stanley Cup. 

It’s not that it starts going badly, though. In fact, things are pretty great, and Kent is hosting get-togethers for his teammates on at least a weekly basis. (He hates to think of them as dinner parties, because that’s just so…old person, but really it’s just him and anywhere from 5-10 friends, eating food and drinking and occasionally playing board games while they take turns DJing.)

He doesn’t actually have anyone stay over for a while, and he’s feeling pretty steady with his level of social interaction, so a month goes by before he feels the need to re-read old Roommate stories. And that’s when he realizes that people have been adding to them.

There are a few different styles of handwriting, so he knows that more than one of his teammates must be in on it, and he can’t decide whether to be pleased that they enjoy it, or disappointed that they’re not following The Rules. He decides to go with it, and flips through the pages to see where the new stories start. His eye catches near the back of the book, though, long after the stories stop and the pages empty. 

He opens up to the first page, and finds letters, written to him. It’s clearly one of his teammates, but they’re written from the perspective of The Roommate. And they imply that The Roommate– and the teammate– might be a little in love with Kent. He’s not sure if he can take this seriously, because there are a couple of guys on the team who would find this a hilarious thing to do, but. Well. The things they say are…good. Nice. Comforting. Romantic.

Keeping his fingers tucked into those pages, he flips back through the book and compares the handwriting, hoping to see what else this person has written. None of the handwriting matches up except with the things in his unsupervised section.

Kent closes the book, and stares down at it in his lap. Then he puts it back in the bedside table and heads out to join Kit in the living room, snagging his phone off the kitchen counter. On the sofa, he scrolls through his phone book thoughtfully, before going to the Aces group chat and sending out an invite for the next dinner party.

* * *

 

## DEAR WORLD,

You have been invited to stay the night in Kent Parson’s guest room. If you accept the invitation, you are required to contribute to **Kent Parson’s Roommate’s Room Guestbook.**

[Go to the Gold & Silver Pawn website](http://gspawn.com/shop/) and choose an item that Kent(’s Weird Roommate) would buy, then

##  [ **go here to sign the guest book.** ](http://goo.gl/forms/BA1jlmr9JPOkX6Gj1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is entirely because of [this tumblr post](http://samwell-womens-hockey.tumblr.com/post/144976068559/kent-parson-cant-sleep-so-he-watches-like-5-hours), which is the first section, and [these tags](http://rhysiana.tumblr.com/post/144988397028/audiaphilios-samwell-womens-hockey-kent), which are displayed as such.
> 
> If you would like to contribute to [Kent Parson's Roommate's Room Guestbook, you can do so here](http://goo.gl/forms/BA1jlmr9JPOkX6Gj1).
> 
> This work will be periodically updated with contributions to The Guestbook.


	2. Vintage Opera Glasses

Kent Parson’s roommate took me out on the town last night. We did all the traditional tourist-y things, visiting all the famous casinos, driving down the strip, and so on. The Roommate did all of this while wearing a top hat and tails. In the 100 degree heat. When we went to Cirque du Soleil, they pulled out vintage collapsible opera glasses and used them throughout the entire performance. 10/10, would go out with the Roommate again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Link to the opera glasses, in case you would like to buy them.](http://gspawn.com/shop/collectibles/vintage-opera-glasses)
> 
> If you would like to contribute to [Kent Parson's Roommate's Room Guestbook, you can do so here](http://goo.gl/forms/BA1jlmr9JPOkX6Gj1).
> 
> This work will be periodically updated with contributions to The Guestbook.


	3. Tintype of a Border Collie Shepherd Mix, C. 1870

On the wall in Kent Parson’s roommate’s room is a framed tintype of a dog, circa 1870 if you ask Kent. The dog is a border collie-shepherd mix, seated on a chair that has been covered in drapes. Kent’s roommate claims that this dog, even though the tintype is clearly hundreds of years old, is his dog. Looks exactly like him. Kent has it on good authority that his roommate has never owned a dog in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Link to the dog tintype, in case you would like to buy it.](http://tortugatrading.com/products/tintype-of-a-border-collie-shepherd-mix-c-1870)
> 
> If you would like to contribute to [Kent Parson's Roommate's Room Guestbook, you can do so here](http://goo.gl/forms/BA1jlmr9JPOkX6Gj1).
> 
> This work will be periodically updated with contributions to The Guestbook.


	4. CDV Major Robert Anderson by Anthony

Listen, gotta make this short because it’s creepy af. Parse had me stay the night in his roommate’s room, which was, like, fine okay whatever. It’s just a place to sleep, right? WRONG. This “roommate” is whack. There’s so much crazy shit in here, I could go on and on, but the worst thing is the fucking pic on the wall, man. Don’t know who it is, but it’s positioned right above the bed. And it /stares at you/. In an overly interested and passionate way. Like how Parse looks at the goblin cat. I don’t know if this weird picture soldier guy wants to eat me or kill me or fuck me or what. His eyes give me the heebie-jeebies. I’m telling you, don’t stay in this room. It’s impossible to sleep with this thing watching you, I feared for my safety. Now I’ve written in the book or whatever, so I’m allowed to go. Goodbye forever. Kent’s roommate is insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Link to the portrait, in case you would like to buy it.](http://gspawn.com/shop/collectibles/cdv-major-robert-anderson-by-anthony/)
> 
> If you would like to contribute to [Kent Parson's Roommate's Room Guestbook, you can do so here](http://goo.gl/forms/BA1jlmr9JPOkX6Gj1).
> 
> This work will be periodically updated with contributions to The Guestbook.


	5. English Cased (PAIR) of Georgian Silver Mounted Brass Barrel Flintlock Holster Pistols By, PROBIN, London, #1538 Firearms

Got a wee bit wasted last night and Kent insisted it was okay for me to crash in his roommate’s room. Okay, fine, I wasn’t too picky, I’d been willing to pass out in the bathtub but that thing is big enough to swim in and I think Kent thought I was gonna drown. Anyway, I fall into bed probably around 4 o'clock? I don’t know, I never found my watch. A bit before sunrise, I wake up to this scrabbling sound. Someone’s in the room with me, and I’m thinking, what the fuck. What the actual fuck because it’s clearly not Kent, this dude’s way too short. He’s pulling out this box from the closet and I must make a noise, because he lets out this wet little sigh. I’m half of breath from freaking out when he turns to me with the box, and holds it open. “Ahuhuhuh.” I’m not sure if that’s a laugh. “Don’t mind me, I just needed my babies.” His mouth smacks when he talks. He opens the box, and there are two guns there. “Mm,” he says, “oh, how nice. It looks like Tookie’s picked you. I’ll see you at noon.” As soon as he left the room, I waited to hear the front door close. I’m highkey freaking out now, and scramble to find my clothes and get the fuck out. That creep wasn’t gonna find me there at breakfast, let alone noon. Kent needs to watch his back, that dude is fuckin’ dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Link to the pistols, in case you would like to buy them.](http://gspawn.com/shop/antique-arms-armor/english-cased-pair-of-georgian-silver-mounted-brass-barrel-flintlock-holster-pistols-by-probin-london-1538-firearms/)
> 
> If you would like to contribute to [Kent Parson's Roommate's Room Guestbook, you can do so here](http://goo.gl/forms/BA1jlmr9JPOkX6Gj1).
> 
> This work will be periodically updated with contributions to The Guestbook.


	6. A Small American Colonial Powder Horn, #486

So there was I, drunk off my ass, because who hasn't ended up like that after a Kent Parson party? I mean, there was also the fact that Jannet had just broke up with me, but that doesn't really has much to do. I am okay, Parse, seriously. Just ignore my sad texts when I get drunk. I am okay. But anyways, I was drunk as fuck, so Parse, my main man, lets me stay in his roommate's room. And holy shit, the place is wicked weird. There are loads of random people's pictures staring at you. And then, on top of one of the multiple shelves, there was this horn thing. My drunk self is like "bruh, I gotta blow this thing and make some sweet tunes" so I go and get it. But then I realise that it is not a noise making horn but a stuff carring stuff. And yeah, I open it, because I was quite curious. Thing is full of powder, it kinda goes everywhere when I open it. And I know it's fucking powder, I can probably smell that shit from miles away. But this thing is old, probably older than my grans' gran, or maybe less. Look, I play hockey, not number history things. So yeah, roommate has a horn full of fucking old powder in the room, and there are way too many matches in the same room for me to feel comfortable with that. But anyway, the bed was confy as hell, or that may be that I was hella drunk. Roommate should probz keep the matches and powder separate, or at least tell parse to stop allowing drunk people crash in the place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Link to the powder horn, in case you would like to buy it.](http://gspawn.com/shop/antique-arms-armor/a-small-american-colonial-powder-horn-486/)
> 
> If you would like to contribute to [Kent Parson's Roommate's Room Guestbook, you can do so here](http://goo.gl/forms/BA1jlmr9JPOkX6Gj1).
> 
> This work will be periodically updated with contributions to The Guestbook.


	7. Pictorial History of the Civil War by Benson John Lossing

I found an old book of Mathew Brady's photographs when I was a kid. It held the attraction of porn, with a whole different thrill--I knew I wasn't supposed to be looking at battlefields, dead bodies, prisoners of war. We never talked about The War Between the States, the Civil War, whatever. It was like the air left the room if anyone mentioned it. Nothing I've been able to find out about my family suggests we ever had enough money to own slaves; I have kind of an idea my mom's family had something they really didn't want to talk about, and I wish I'd talked to my grandma when my parents were out of the room. So people think I'm another Civil War buff, all about the strategy or the valor (on both sides, and didn't that fuck up my nice simple kid-mind) but I really just think, if I look hard enough, I'll find someone I recognize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Link to the books, in case you would like to buy them.](http://gspawn.com/shop/rare-books/pictorial-history-of-the-civil-war-by-benson-john-lossing/)
> 
> If you would like to contribute to [Kent Parson's Roommate's Room Guestbook, you can do so here](http://goo.gl/forms/BA1jlmr9JPOkX6Gj1).
> 
> This work will be periodically updated with contributions to The Guestbook.


	8. Rick Harrison's Sickle of Death Skull Links Bracelet

its pretty in a morbid way

 

(Kent was still passed out when Battleship left, otherwise he would've marched him right back in the room to make him do it right. He hasn't invited him back over since.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Link to the bracelet, though I'm not sure it's still for sale.](http://gspawn.com/ebay-item-of-the-week-june-15th-the-rick-harrison-skull-links-bracelet-sickle-of-death/)
> 
> If you would like to contribute to [Kent Parson's Roommate's Room Guestbook, you can do so here](http://goo.gl/forms/BA1jlmr9JPOkX6Gj1).
> 
> This work will be periodically updated with contributions to The Guestbook.


End file.
